Christmas... and Sex.

Christmas used to be - and SHOULD be - like having sex for the first time.

It should be anticipated. Hoped for. Dreamed of. It should smack you in the face with its abruptness like that moment when your hand first goes up your date's shirt... Virginal breasts exposed to you for the first time... It should be that level of excitement. Tingles running up and down your body. You should get mild shivers of cold as the adrenaline pumps through your veins and fills your cock with holiday cheer.

The time between Halloween and Thanksgiving used to be like that dating period before you had sex... back when you knew sex was coming, you KNEW it was going to happen... but you didn't know exactly when. Then, the weekend after Thanksgiving you turn around and your date is standing in front of you all black lace panties and garters with the look of "Shall we?" 

That... is how Christmas should be in the stores. The day before Thanksgiving - nothing. The day AFTER Thanksgiving - She's in crotchless panties asking if you want to be naughty... And then it's a whole month of wild, kinky sex with the big reveal on December 25th.

These days the Christmas season is a lot like the movie "Showgirls". It sure is shiny and there are tits galore, but even I get bored with that many bland, topless women strolling around on screen with no substance. I can't even get excited about that movie... much like the modern Christmas season. It's there, but my holiday cheer remains limp in my pants despite all the tassels and tinseled nipples.

The weekend of Black Friday used to be a tease... you'd see what the sales were that morning and now what you wanted to get for Christmas! You got to peer into Christmas' dressing room and glimpse some holiday side-boob and that was HOT AS FUCK. 

Now it's not the same. There's no mystery. There's no build up. It's just "Merry Christmas... in September." BLEH... boring!

My point is - I just miss the way Christmas USED to be. 

I miss the slow build up of excitement that resulted in a big ole load of holiday cheer being splashed on your chest the weekend following Thanksgiving... Instead of the slow, lifeless, handjob you're getting for a month with no joy... just because you can.

The weekend following Thanksgiving was the doorway into the Christmas and it was fucking magical. Just like that first time seeing a lover nude. You knew what was there, but now... now it's in front of you and your hard as a rock and you can't wait to touch it.

Now... we don't have that. 

Christmas starts seeping into our lives as early as September now. Stores have their displays up before Halloween even happens and by the time Thanksgiving gets here - it's old news. 

Everyone and their brother has their Christmas catalogs out before summer is officially over and now, when it comes time for me to be filled with Holiday Cheer - I'm bored by it. It's too much. 

It's a goddamned Christmas overload and it makes me despise the whole thing.

If I am watching commercials with snow and new cars the day after Halloween - what the fuck am I supposed to look forward to that last week of November?! Nothing! I've seen it already. And now I hate your fucking commercial because it's been on 324 times already and it's not even Thanksgiving. 

This is, quite literally, too much. It's too much packaging. Too much marketing. Too much "Hallmark 24 hour a day Christmas movies that are just the same fucking movie with different actors." And it pisses me off. 

I say we go back to the old days of Christmas where it's just a whisper until the weekend of Thanksgiving. Give us some goddamned foreplay for a month - then let us unwrap Christmas and get messy on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning. Don't just go through the motions of it all. Don't get bored by it... make Christmas feel like that first time - every time. Make it excitement and chaos and fun...

I don't want to get bored by Christmas. When it hits, I want to blow my proverbial load all over the place... Green, red, and white all over winter's face.