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A day in the life of a 24/7 D/s couple - A Guest Post by Nikki

A day in the life of a 24/7 D/s couple

A Guest Post by Nikki 

It is five o'clock in the morning and I wake up gagged and restrained to the bed, ready to drag my heavy chains to the kitchen to start breakfast for my Dom, like any good sub does.

Nah, not really.

Though it is fun to fantasize and even dedicate special days to a more formal protocol, it isn't what an average day looks like. As much as we would both enjoy a full-time whips and chains daily fuck-fest, it isn't feasible. We've got kids and shit.

So what does a day in the life of a 24/7 D/s couple look like? Like every other relationship, it differs from person to person. Our relationship is full-time Dominant/submissive. He is my Dom and I am his sub. Some 'traditional' D/s styles are Master/slave, DaddyDom/babygirl, Owner/pet, etc. There are an endless number of variations, each valid and important as long as they are safe and consensual. "Traditional" doesn't mean right.

D/s is a part of the BDSM family, and typically includes some form of power play, sexual or not. In our case it is both sexual and day-to-day. A 24/7 D/s relationship is commonly referred to as TPE (Total Power Exchange). Not all D/s relationships are full-time, some are in the bedroom only, or even kept online in a LDR.

If someone wasn't aware of our dynamic, they may not even recognize it as kink. We generally just appear "old-fashioned" to the outside world, as much as a tattooed couple that looks like us can be considered old-fashioned. For example, if we are at a family function, I usually get my partners food/drink for him first. Not because he's ordered me to like it is 1955, but because I enjoy it. It turns me on to know I am being his good girl, doing what we decided together would be my role. Serving my Dom fills a need within me that isn't sated by anything else.

I like taking care of my partner. In a way that I still haven't completely wrapped my head around, mostly because it is constantly evolving. The fact that he appreciates my service and submission and reciprocates in ways that make him feel good about himself and our dynamic is a huge factor in that.

Some D/s couples are super hardcore all of the time. That isn't necessarily our bag. My partner isn't leading me around the grocery store on a leash, and I am not serving up every meal wearing nothing but a collar (again, kids and shit.) That being said, just because it isn't always visible from the outside, we are always D/s. More than six years ago we made decisions and an agreement to pursue a specific type of relationship. It isn't that much different than a vanilla relationship, really. We set rules, expectations, concerns, and protocols. It may sound a bit militant, but in reality the "rules" I am expected to follow mainly concern my self-care and mental health, and general betterment of myself as a person, not just a submissive. We both require open and honest, constant communication from the other.
Communication is so important in a D/s relationship. Obviously it is important in any relationship, but in a D/s relationship there are specific instances where honesty and openness are imperative. In our dynamic, we have an agreement that I am available to him all of the time. All of it. This means if I truly don't feel well, or something pressing is happening it is my responsibility to always keep him aware. If I wasn't transparent in my feelings and thoughts that puts him in the position to possibly be doing something heinous, completely without his knowledge, and that would be a horribly unfair thing to do to someone. For example, if I am feeling poorly and he wants to have an impact scene, if I were to just go with it and silently resent him for doing something I wasn't into at the time, that puts him in a nonconsensual situation.

I am always available to him. That does not mean he is fucking me over the toilet when I have the flu, because we also love and care deeply about one another.

While I find the sexual aspect of our D/s dynamic out of this fucking world satisfying, the everyday stuff is what has helped me grow so much as a human. By submitting myself fully to another person, I was able to lean on someone else for the first time in my life and have a safe space to sort through some unnecessary, untrue, unkind bullshit. It has taught me to trust in both another person and myself. The self care that I have learned from our relationship has been life changing. Knowing I promised my partner I was going to work my hardest to be the best person I could be is what prompted me to seek help for my PPD. I went to the doctor, got medication and then started therapy. I continued with those things for me but when I was so depressed I frankly didn't give a fuck about me, I still knew I had made a commitment to him and it helped me forge through.

I don't think a 24/7 D/s relationship is for everyone. It sure as hell wasn't for me before I met my partner. It takes a lot of constant work and learning, about each other and yourself. The reward, in my case is so fucking worth it though. To have such a deep connection with a person that it gets me off to literally worship at their feet is a dream I never even knew I had come true.

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