Lady Bourbon

I call her "Lady Bourbon" because she is the other half of what makes me whole. I do not like to call her "My wife" because it sounds possessive. A mutual friend only refers to his spouse as "My wife" in conversation and that drives me fucking insane. She's not property, man... she's your partner.  Lady Bourbon is a force of nature and she chooses to be with me, and I with her. We are partners in life. Have been ALMOST since we met... She's been a model, muse, lover, wife, and, most important, a  friend... and I would never want it any other way...

In February of 2004 I returned from my final tour in Iraq... In June of 2004 I moved back to my apartment on campus and returned to school for the summer session in hopes of getting "reacclimatized" to civilian life before the rush of Freshmen in the fall... I thought it would be good for me to be there with LESS people.

I was right... and wrong.

Being there with less people was nice, but it also meant I spent a lot of time at the bar drinking to forget my final tour in Iraq... or spending a lot of time on my couch with a bottle of something doing the same thing for less and with greater quantities. And drank I did.

When I was at a low point during the following winter I started to keep an online journal. I tried to reach out into the void of the internet and see if anyone was there who felt the same way about life. That's when I stumbled upon the future Lady Bourbon.

I saw her posts and her comments and I was entranced by the way she spoke and the wit that she used to fill page after page of posts on her blog and the comments... So I did what anyone in my position would do... I sent her a DM with a dick-pic.

Just kidding.... I didn't do that.

What I did do, was use the ole AOL instant messenger to try and start up a conversation with her. And it worked... sort of. She thought I was some serial rapist or murderer at first I think - but when she realized who I was 'online' she and I started to talk. And talk. And talk... And then we decided to meet up.

I fell in love with Lady Bourbon before I ever saw her. I met her on the internet so I met her mind before I ever met her body. And I was enraptured with the way her mind moved and thought before I ever saw the way her hips rocked back and forth in her jeans when she walked... I was wildly attracted to her brain... but, I won't lie, I was lustfully attracted to everything else about her when we met - and I still am. To this day - if she bends over to pick something up, I will check out her ass... and usually get turned on. If she's in the shower - I'll try to find SOME reason to come into the bathroom to sneak a peak... What? She's fucking hot. Sue me.

I met her at her work. We swapped anime on DVD. I tried my best to get her to come see my friend's band that night, but she was oblivious to the fact that I was, in fact, practically drooling at the mere sight of her and trying VERY hard to ask her out "casually." - This fact was described to her in detail by her coworkers after I left...

We had our first date almost 14 years ago this week. We ate pizza and watched anime... Demon City Shinjuku. Not the best "first date" material... but apparently it worked out.

We had a rocky start. Mostly because, as a post-war alcoholic, I was a raging asshole to pretty much everyone... including her. But she was steadfast in her determination that we were meant to be together. And she was right... It took me some time to convince myself that I wasn't an anchor pulling her down. And even if I was - she's too fucking awesome to let that happen.

In my 40 years of living and countless friendships and relationships - none have come close to this. None have come anywhere near feeling this complete or this well matched. We have the same interests. We like the same shows and music (mostly). We've really only ever had 1... maybe 2 fights. And that was over a miscommunication.

If I stumble, she's there to pick me up. If she has a bad day, I'm there to take the kids somewhere and let her have a moment to herself. We're a goddamn magic act in the morning with fixing breakfast, dressing kids, drinking coffee, and doing it all in a sort of weird dance routine in our kitchen... We can be intensely intimate or wildly irreverent. We can sit in silence or have an 80s dance party with the kids in the kitchen with the volume set to 11. We can make love and we can fuck - and if you don't think they are 2 different things, you are very wrong.

She is my best friend. She is my favorite person. She is genuinely my better half. She isn't just the light that saw me out of the dark place - she is every star in the night sky and I will set my course by those stars.

I don't say these things to sway favor or swoon her... I don't try to inflate her ego by telling her she is my favorite single thing on this entire world. I am simply stating these facts for the world - She is the best of me.

She is my one true love... She's the only person I want to be with.

In my heart, I hold 2 separate images of Lady Bourbon at the same time...

The first is her with short, spiked black hair, dark eye makeup, JNCO jeans, a bandana wrapped around her hair, and an industrial looking necklace... She's young.
She's full of snark, dark humor, a touch of being overly shy, and an ability to make me smile and laugh with her words.
She has a flat, defined stomach, narrow hips, rounded face full of youth, and a somewhat sad smile at times.
She is beautiful and dark like some sort of avenging angel or a dark pixie... she's sexy as hell at 23.
She is smart, strong, capable, and beautiful... and I love her.





The second is 14 years later, as a mother and wife.
Her hair lacks the dark dye of her youth. She doesn't wear the dark eye makeup.
Her JNCOs have been swapped out for business casual.
Her snark is still there. Her humor is, if anything, stronger than then.
Her way with the written word leaves me in the dust. She is tired from being a mom, a worker, and an adult.
Her stomach isn't as flat after two kids. Her hips are fuller. Her smile is genuine and happy... She is a seasoned adult.
She is sexy as hell at 37.
She is smarter, stronger, more capable, and even more beautiful... and I love her.



Both versions of her, as well as all of the ones in between, make up the woman I love.