Dr. Bourbon and the League of ANNOYING-ASS PEOPLE!

Today in Bad Advice with Dr. Bourbon our question comes from Twitter user, @HeartOfAutumn

She asks:

Dear Doctor Bourbon,

How do you deal with annoying people? Which, to be honest is a vast majority...

My dear, @HeartOfAutumn,

You have asked a question very near and dear to my heart. You see... I work with Debbie. Debbie isn't just annoying... she's the fucking devil. She's like annoying on steroids. She is what would happen if Peter Griffin and Sheldon Cooper had a baby... but that baby was then raised by vegan, Christian, cross-fitters... 

You don't just "DEAL" with these people. You have to learn how to repress inner rage. You have to learn the cool art of "looking friendly" while internally screaming "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE I STAB YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT!!!"

I also have two co-workers in particular who believe that "Good morning" is the gateway drug to "Please tell me about whatever inane shit you did last night or your sump-pump that's been broken for six months..."

But I literally do not care.

At all.

Mornings are for coffee and contemplation as the saying goes and your blathering on about whatever reality show you watched last night is causing a buildup of some SERIOUS rage in my system.

Even on good mornings where I've had coffee, taken the kids to school, and returned home to spend some quality time sans pants with my Lady Bourbon, I just don't have the patience or mental fortitude to deal with people until 11:00am at the earliest.

So, I sit here, gritting my teeth and typing on my keyboard HOPING you will get the hint that I am, in fact, not paying the slightest bit of attention to you - but NOOOOooooo. You just keep running that hole in your face.


So I sit... I sit and I stare. I focus on my breathing. Then I go home and drink A LOT. I mean, Jesus Christ... Who the fuck are these people? They're everywhere!!  And no matter what I do or say, they just won't shut THE FUCK UP. And I can only stockpile so much rage before it blows and I end up taking out a city block when it happens... metaphorically speaking.

How do I deal with annoying people? How do I deal with the incoherent ramblings of mouth-breathing, shitgibbons?   Through the tried and true method of nodding, smiling, and mentally picturing myself holding them under water and watching the bubbles slowly stop rising.

Then I go home, rage drink, have angry sex with Lady Bourbon, and work on my next project...

Annoying people are everywhere. They're a goddamn plague on humanity. They are Legion... and they all want to tell you about SOMETHING.

Ignore them. Pretend they don't exist. Buy bluetooth headphones. Pretend you're on a call when you see them walk up... The only way to win this game is Not. To. Play. Because they will drag you down to their level and beat you to death with their bullshit...

Good luck!