There are many anxieties... but this one is mine.

Stress, anxiety... whatever the fuck you want to call it - SUCKS.

I have catastrophobia... which I'm not even sure is a real word. But it is pretty bad at times. I can't say exactly when it started, but I do know it has gotten progressively worse as I've aged.

This isn't the "Oh, I think the world will end" type of fear - well, not always at any rate... This is the fear that if I go, relax, let my guard down, and do something - the worst case scenario will occur. No matter what it is... ESPECIALLY if that thing is something for my own enjoyment or personal well-being. How fucked is that?


Want to go jog in the morning? Sweet - here's some anxiety about getting hit by a car, tripping a breaking your leg, getting sprayed by a skunk, or being jumped by a fucking meth-addict in the trail that leads through the woods.

Commuting to work?  Good luck, buddy! Your tires could explode, that semi in front of you can lose a tire and kill you... a deer could jump out into your windshield... OH... and let's not forget about some sort of horrible natural disaster while you're at work... or some sort of global event. AWESOME... 

Want to take the day off and go see a movie? Awesome... It sure would be a shame if the theater explodes or someone comes in and shoots up the place.

Taking the day off work to be with the wife? Here, have massive panic attacks about getting fired or having forgotten to do something at work the day before that will result in thousands of dollars lost.

Taking a 3-day camping trip with a friend and leaving your wife and kids at home? Hope an EMP doesn't go off while you're 80 miles away. And I'm sure your wife will be fine... all alone in the house in a town with a growing heroin problem and a recent rise in home invasion. OR... you'll slip and fall in the woods and die from something ridiculous like a snakebite. Even though it's 30 degrees out and snakes aren't active.

My point is - it fucking sucks. And I hate it. 


And here were are - on the eve of my first camping trip in... twelve years? I used to love camping - still do. But as we get closer to it I am freaking the fuck out. I'll be leaving Friday morning and coming home Sunday afternoon/evening... and I cannot get my shit together. I am super excited to be going camping with my friend, but Oh FUCK ME I am convinced that this will be the moment when something bad happens. This will be the moment that the stars align and I get bent over the table and FUCKED by the universe.

That is my anxiety right now. It's causing me some serious issues. I am always on guard. I am always waiting for it... and I am fairly certain that if I can't get this under control, my heart will explode... YET AGAIN - the worst case scenario.

What a fucked up way to start a Wednesday, man...