What Dreams May Never Come...

Earlier today I posted a list to my Twitter Feed about the things I've wanted to do but fell short of...

These have been my half-assed dreams as an adult. Things I was 100% passionate about for a week or so until I realized I didn't have the time or money to commit to any of them. They are my dead dreams... for now. I will now go into detail on these dreams and why they've all died....



1: Join 501st Legion 

The 501st Legion is a philanthropic group of Star Wars cosplayers. And I wanted SOOO much to be one of them. To get my own Clone Trooper armor, march around in a parade, go to a hospital and visit sick kids, and let my wife strip it off of me as we have really awesome cosplay sex. Ah... l'amour... BUT. That shit costs money. Like $1,200. And I've still got student loans to pay off, a mortgage, and a ceiling in the bedroom that needs fixed. So... no Clone Trooper sex for me.

As awesome and super hot as it would be... Providing there is some sort of easy way out of the cod-piece.


2: Turn Garage into a wood shop

NOT my garage by a LONG shot

Oh, man - how awesome would it be to escape the drudgery of daily life by going out to the garage, cutting some shit up and making new things? Christmas present? - I gotchoo, Fam!
But, alas, I own a circular saw, and a that's about it... and I have a propensity for trying to cut off fingers. True story - cut my hand twice in Iraq. Needed stitches when putting in new kitchen floor. Almost lost a thumb cleaning a squirrel... I even cut my hand on a goddamn Gatorade bottle. WHO DOES THAT?!?!

Needless to say - I don't have the time or spare blood for this project and it PAINS me to say that.

3: Start my own business
Look - I love to cook. It's fun... and I'm pretty damn okay at it. And I would LOVE to run a little café or burger joint a la Bob's Burgers if I could... but a few things prevent me from doing that. 1: Our town has some seriously good places to eat already. 2: New restaurants have a 70% failure rate... 90% in small towns. And, I hate cleaning out grease traps. So... Probably not in the cards. Not to mention the $60,000 startup cash I'd need to get it going.

4: Get back into sculpting
I'll admit - I've dabbled in this one. Problem is - I can't afford a kiln or the other stuff, so I'm left with Sculpy and other "oven-dry" methods... and that's not the same. Sure, I can probably make some sweet-ass things, but it's not the ceramics and clay I love and remember.
I miss those days covered in the slurry from the projects of my younger days. Bowls and cups... a black chalice covered in the bodies of tormented souls... I was good at it. But it doesn't pay the bills, yo.
Not to mention the chance a Demi Moore/Patrick Swayzee sex-thing going down...


5: Paint (or draw) more
So - this one is affordable. And I have the room... but I, as much as I WANT to do it, seem to lack the DRIVE to do it. I sat down to draw something last week and POOF. It's like someone found my muse, shot her, roughed her up, and left her for dead behind the dumpster at the Dairy Queen.

It sucks being old. It's so much easier to be inspired when you're young and stoned, talking about the plight of humanity while eating cookies with your BFF on the rooftop. The anxiety and struggles of adulthood don't seem to transition into inspirational works of art depicting the struggle of modern man...


6: Write a book
Right? Me and every other fucking person on the planet.
But seriously - I've written a lot of things. I've been featured in small publications back in college, even have my first refusal letter from The New Yorker... Apparently I said "fuck" too much for their liking and talked of death and misery upon returning from Iraq. Ah well.

I have about 9 of these projects started... and none of them have passed the 25,000 word mark without being trashed or set aside for one reason or another. It's like adult onset ADHD but only at the keyboard. One day... One day I'll finish one of these fuckers.

7: Read more
This one SHOULD be easy... and I THINK my audiobook addiction counts to this. If that's true - then I read about 3 books a month. But commuting every day while having someone tell me a story isn't the same. I miss being able to sit and bury myself in the words of someone else's tale... I just can't seem to physically do it. Again - it's some strange PTSD/ADHD thing.

8: Sleep 8 Hours
This happens about once a month... usually alcohol induced and not fulfilling. I'd just like to be able to go to bed at 10, sleep uninterrupted for 8 hours, and wake up feeling like a normal human being.

9: Win The Lottery
Check back tomorrow....

10: Camping/Biking
I have a bike! I have a tent! And I've been camping exactly one time in the last decade. I miss camping. I miss being outdoors. I miss the smell of campfires and the foods that you cook on them. It's not that I CAN'T go camping - I just don't. Nobody in my household seems to like the idea of it... And my friend who likes to camp works as much, if not more, than me. So... There ya go.
I'd go by myself - but have a crippling fear of the dark - especially in unknown places.

As for biking - I've been out a few times, but due to my irrational fear of "the worst thing possible" happening and I chicken out because I'm afraid I'll get impaled on stick and die on the "beginners trail" at "Fuck this place State Park"...

11: Cure Anxiety 
Well, FUCK - who doesn't want to do that?  But seriously - I bet that if I could get my overwhelming anxiety and fears in check - I could do these things. Moreover - I could help others. I could help my wife with HER anxiety. Everyone could be happier and in a better place and life as an adult wouldn't feel like a prison sentence...

But who am I kidding?



So - there you go... My list of broken, unfulfilled adult dreams.

What about you, dear reader? What do you think?