Being a Douchebag on the internet...

Today in Bad Advice with Dr. Bourbon our question comes from Douchebag Dave on Twitter.

Dave asks:

Dr. BourbonSex,
"What are you doing on my timeline, leftist fucktard?"

Love and kisses,
Douchebag Dave

Dear Dave... Or is it Douchebag Dave? Can I just call you Douchebag?  I think I am just going to call you Douchebag...  Dear Douchebag,

That is a great question, sport. It's not often someone, in one sentence, so succinctly sums up the MAGA crowd.

I apologize for showing up in your twitter timeline. It was not my intention to pull you away from your sordid sexual appetites with "Liberal Chicks" with my singular post. It is my assumption that someone you follow has partial good taste and when they liked or commented on my post, the Twitter gods decided to share that joy with you.

I'm no programmer, so I don't know what the algorithms are that dictate what shows up where... So all I can do is say sorry, not sorry.

But, Douchebag, there is a bigger issue here. And that is how you handled this small indiscretion? You don't just "keep scrolling" or ignore it... you actively go to that tweet and start calling people - namely me - a "fucktard"?

What the fuck is wrong with you? I mean, seriously, what happens inside your brain to make you do this?  I mean - you are a self-prescribed "author" and here you go shitting on other people like it's cool?

Fuck that, man... I mean, seriously... Have I done something to you I'm not aware of? Has my tweet's existence somehow wronged you to the point of lashing out? Christ, Dave, get a life and grow up. 

And it's not bad enough that you started with the whole "fucktard" bit, but you followed it up with this gem: 

Look, Douchebag, I've seen your picture... I'm guessing you haven't had a blowjob from a willing partner in a LONG long time. 

I mean - MAYBE you're trying to be funny and just failing miserably. And you have some disorder that doesn't allow you to realize that the things you're saying and doing are just so unbelievably awful. Maybe you lack empathy? Rational thought? Moral fortitude?  I don't know. 

What I do know is that this exchange has guaranteed that I will never read one of your books. I will never support your books. I will never leave a review for one of your books. And I sure as shit won't give you the time of day. 

You're an awful human being. You're infectious waste. Just like the rest of the red-hat wearing shit-stains that ooze across the internet.

So, go climb back in your hole, write some more books that'll never be read... and leave the rest of the internet alone until you figure out how to be a good and decent human being. 

That is all.