Chapter One:
Everyone Talks About Being Probed, But Nobody Does Anything About It.
(3,000 words +/- 100 words - mentions of nudity)
Todd Marcum regretted his decision to socialize as soon as he walked into Mark’s apartment. Why in the name of all that is good and holy would anyone want to subject themselves to this? Somewhere between nineteen and two-hundred people were crammed into a small apartment. The thermostat was set to "broil" and shitty music was blaring out of the tiny, Walmart brand speakers making it an exercise in futility to talk to anyone. The only food available were several bowls of off-brand chips and pretzels... And those were somewhere in the Hellish labyrinth that is Mark’s tiny-ass kitchen, surrounded by throngs of drunk people. Todd had been here for an hour now and it was fast approaching “time to cut your losses” for him.
To make things even better - it was a costume party. A costume party where only half of the people there were in costume. And only half of THEM were in legit costumes. The rest were all dressed as “Oh, I’m a serial killer” coming to the party in what they wore to work that day. And Todd’s least favorite part of the costumed people were the group of women in the “sexy” costumes. There were an assortment of things wondering around the place with boobs and skin to spare... he saw, or thought he saw, sexy Chewbacca, a sexy Ketchup bottle, and a sexy Swedish Chef… from the muppets. None of these things should ever be sexy in Todd’s opinion. Chewbacca maybe... but that stemmed from a really troubling brush with fanfiction in the early 90s.
Todd, on the other hand, was in a full-on set of custom Mandalorian armor that he’d worked on for two years. It was perfect and he was very pleased with himself about it. Or, he had been for the first thirty minutes. Now, in his perfect armor, he sat alone on the couch, sweating his balls off for no reason that he could fathom. He looked at the gin and tonic in his hand, debated if a trip through the hall of “sexy halloween costumes” was worth the refill, and decided to sit exactly where he was, finish this fucking drink, and go home. At least home was quiet. Home was a normal and acceptable temperature. Home was…
“Holy shit who is that?” Todd muttered to no one in particular.
Then realized he’d spoken actual words and not just thoughts, and coughed, repositioned himself on the couch, and tried to look cool. Luckily for Todd, nobody gave a shit and he was completely ignored in all of this. The subject of his sudden outburst was a young woman, probably mid-twenties if he had to guess, with green skin, bright green eyes, some sort of alien tunic thing draped around her shoulders and a small, blue tattoo stretching up her neck and around her ear. Her hair was short and starkly white. Her hair was so white it almost looked like a wig. She glanced his way and smiled in his direction. She wasn’t one of the “sexy” costumes from the store. She was in full-on paint from head to toe. She’d spent time on this and Todd appreciated that. Her tunic looked functional and like it fit the idea of her alien costume rather than just being a “sexy toga” thing. As he watched her move through the crowd, Todd’s armor suddenly felt too small in some areas and he awkwardly tried to adjust himself to make room for things.
“Hey.” She said making her way towards him. “Love the Mando armor.”
“I, uh, we, I mean, thanks.” Todd stuttered and stammered and realized he’d forgotten how to speak. Then he realized he'd been staring and tried again, “I love you.” He blurted. Fuck.
“I’m sorry?” She said with a slight tilt to her head.
“I love your costume.” Todd said, gesturing wildly with his drink hand. “That’s the best one here.”
“Thanks. It’s just something I threw together.” She looked his armor up and down.
“You threw it together well. It’s awesome. Kind of a gorgeous, super sexy alien thing…” he stopped talking and immediately turned red. All over. His entire body was one strobing shade of bright red which bordered on painful. Thankfully he was in his costume and nobody could see anything except his face. Which looked, Todd assumed, like a giant beet. “I am so sorry.” He said. “That was inappropriate.”
“Relax.” She said flopping onto the couch with a wide smile. “You’ve at least got the balls to wear a costume to a costume party. So you’re allowed one fuck up.” She smiled and extended a hand. “I’m Cathy.”
“Todd Marcum.” He said taking her hand and giving it an enthusiastic shake. “So,” he said, trying to redeem himself. “What are you?”
“I’m bored.” She said with a bit more exuberance than Todd had expected.
“Oh.” His smile faltered a little.
“Not because of you, Todd Marcum.” She laughed. “This party's boring.” She motioned around them to the gathered people.
“Agreed.”
“But to answer your question I am a Spreggen.” She said as thought it should’ve been followed with a “duh.”
“Ah.” Todd nodded and searched his memories for the name. He came up empty. “I’ve never heard of that. And I’m willing to bet I’m the biggest nerd in this entire apartment.”
“Well, you’ll just have to figure it out then.” She smiled. “Want to go out on the deck and get some fresh air? It’s hot as balls in here.”
“That sounds like a solid plan.” Todd said and the two extricated themselves from the living room, weaved through the trio of “sexy” costumed women and made their way to the balcony.
It was cold as shit out on the balcony. Luckily for Todd he was about to die from heat exhaustion so the cold was a welcome change. He stood in the cold air, feeling it seep into his costume and basked in it. It was then that he looked to Cathy and noticed that her tunic-thing was very thin. In addition to this, she was not wearing shoes.
“Aren’t you cold?”
“Me?” She laughed. “This is nothing.”
“Ah.” Todd said and they drifted into an uncomfortable silence for a few long heartbeats.
“So, you like aliens, Todd?”
“The movie?”
“Well, I suppose so.” Cathy said. “But I meant in a more general term.”
“I love aliens.” He said. “The movie and the idea of life,” he gestured upwards, “somewhere out there.” He chewed his lip for a moment. “As long as they don’t probe me.”
“What is it with probing?” She said. “I mean, that’s like a BIG thing here.”
“Well, I don’t really know. I mean, surely aliens are more advanced than us if they can come here through the vast emptiness of space. There’s got to be a better way to get to know someone other than a probe in the ole space-hole.”
“Right?” She laughed lightly. “I mean, shit, buy someone a drink, have a nice chat. The probing can happen in its own time.”
“Yes.” Todd said and then stopped. “I mean… would there still need to be probing?”
“If the drink was good enough.” She smiled at him, tipped her drink up and drained its contents.
“Oh. Right.” Todd said and he was suddenly warm again. He was also very uncomfortable at that moment. Talking to girls was never his strong suit, and this one was, if you asked Todd, an 11 on a 1-10 scale of attractiveness. The green skin, blue tattoo, and white hair were all coming together for Todd in a way that made him think being probed could totally be worth it. “So… Spreggen?”
“Yep.”
“Still nothing.”
“Spreggen live in the Truani quadrant. They’re shapeshifters.” She paused. “Well, not shapeshifters in the fullest sense, but they have the ability to adapt to their environment and take on an appearance... “
“Yep, nothin.” Todd said and looked at her and locked on her eyes. She blinked and smiled at Todd. He started to speak when his brain locked up, rewound the last five seconds and replayed the blink. Her eyes… her neon green eyes… had blinked. But not up and down like his. They had blinked vertically. “What the…?” He started, but then she blinked again. And it was a normal blink. “Uh…”
“Yes?” She said with a wide grin.
“Nothing. Just my brain trying to ruin this moment for me.”
“You’re cute, Todd Marcum.”
“Uh… Thank you?”
“You want to get out of here? Want to go somewhere and see some cool shit?”
“You mean like a bar or something?”
“Nope.” She stopped and tilted her head. “I mean, yeah, we can totally go to a bar if you want. But I mean some place really cool.”
“How long have you lived in Cincinnati?” Todd asked. “Because the list of really cool shit is about one line long and it’s not that cool.”
“Oh, gods, I don’t live here.”
“Oh.”
“I’m not from around here at all.” She leaned in and staged whispered to him. “I’m actually crashing this party”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, I don’t know anyone here.”
“You know me.” Todd smiled. “Well, I mean, you don’t KNOW know me… but you know?” He blew air through his lips and she smiled at him.
“Should I KNOW know you, Todd?”
“I mean, I guess there are worse people to know.”
“Not really selling me, Todd.”
“Sorry.” He said pulling a face. “Well, let’s see... I’m a huge nerd, I hate my job, my apartment is small and costs too much, I like Star Trek, Star Wars, and anything space related.” He took a breath. “I collect action figures…” He stopped, debating if he should’ve said that out loud, but continued on. “And I hate costume parties where people don’t dress in costume so that makes me and you the two coolest people here.”
“Wow.” Cathy said flatly.
“Sorry, I got nervous.”
“Nah, it’s cool. You’re cool. I’ve decided to like you.” She smiled, closed her eyes, and inhaled deeply through her nose. Todd had an uncomfortable feeling that she was smelling him. “Yep.” She blurted. “I like you.”
“Uh… cool.” Todd managed. “What about you?”
“Well, I’m me.” She said with a smile. “I like those things too.” She looked away and thought for a moment. “And, yes, I collect action figures as well.”
“Wh....” was all Todd could say.
“Want to go back to your place?” She looked at him. “Seeing as I don’t actually live around here and this party is totally lame.”
“I… well, I could…” Todd’s brain locked up again as he mentally inventoried his apartment. It was relatively clean, probably nothing too damning left out, and this is probably the most attractive woman he’s ever spoken to and she wanted to go back to his place. This was probably some elaborate joke being played at his expense. No girls ever wanted to come to his place for drinks and… well, anything. “Are you fucking with me?”
“What?” She laughed. “Not at all.” She tapped the front of his Mando armor. “I just like a man in armor.”
“Well, shit. I mean, yeah… why not?” His heart threatened to beat out of his chest.
“Excellent. Shall we then?”
They left their empty cups on the balcony table, maneuvered through the apartment and out the door. Two floors down, Todd opened the door on his small, one bedroom.
“Wait,” She said. “You live in the same building?”
“That’s how I know Mark.” He stopped, key still in the lock. “Is that a deal breaker?”
“No.” She laughed. “Anywhere is better than there.” She walked passed Todd and into his apartment. “You were not fucking kidding, Todd.” She mused from inside. “This is one small-ass apartment.”
“Told you.” he said following her in.
“I mean, Shran, this is smaller than…” She stopped. “Well, let’s just say it’s small.”
“I know. I live here.” He paused a heartbeat. “Shran?”
“It’s like Jesus.” She said as if that made sense.
“Well, okay then.”
Todd tossed his keys on the table where they belonged and flipped on the lights. The lamps in the corners illuminated his small kitchen, smaller than Mark’s even, and his meager living room area. His gaming systems all hooked up to large, wall-mounted television, and several glass cases housed his various assortment of action figures, models, and other collectables. He looked to find Cathy bending down to admire his movie collection.
“I already like you.” Cathy said passing a finger over his movies. “But now I can confirm it.” She stood and held up a copy of the Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai. “Can we watch this?”
“Yes.” Todd said and sort of deflated, especially in his pants. He was hoping they were going to, you know, make out and stuff, not watch Buckaroo Banzai. He looked up and smiled. “I mean, sure. I love that movie.”
“Don’t worry,” she added when she saw the look on his face. “There’s plenty of time for drinks and probing.” She glanced at her hand holding the movie. “Oh, shit. Right.” She smiled. “Can I use your shower real quick?” She waggled a green finger in his direction.
“Only door on the right.” He gestured to the single door along the wall next to the kitchen.
“Be out in a second.” She smiled and strolled by him.
Todd moved furiously throughout the small space grabbing cups, silverware, and anything else he could find and piled it into the kitchen sink. He assumed he had more than enough time with all the body paint, so he slowed his pace and leisurely made his way around the room giving it the once over. He about had a heart attack when the bathroom door opened a moment later and Cathy stood there with wet hair and not a speck of green on her. She couldn’t have been in there more than three minutes. That’s when Todd realized she was dripping wet, and completely nude.
“You wouldn’t happen to have a towel would you?”
“Oh, yeah. Shit. Yes. Sorry.” He tried to look away from the sheer beauty of her nakedness, but, in doing so, he tripped and fell over the couch. Several crashes, two “oh shits”, and a large amount of sighing later, Todd lay on his back looking up at the ceiling.
“I think I broke my spleen." He wheezed.
“Gods, you’re adorable.” She said peering down at him.
“Thanks.” He said and looked up through the swirling vision to behold Cathy.
She was completely nude, standing over him, smiling down. From this angle he could see everything and he worked his up her body and stopped on her eyes. Her previously neon eyes, now a pale blue, looked at him with a smile and he stared into them for a long minute before water dripped from her nose and fell down on his face. He was completely awe-struck for a moment. He was, somewhere in the back of his brain, fully aware that he was lying underneath a naked 11 in his apartment. On the floor. With his feet still over the side of the couch. Then reality set in. This realization caused his voice to come out in a cracking, multi-leveled thing that gave him the appearance of being a teenager going through puberty.
“You’re not so bad looking yourself.” He coughed and worked to right himself. Cathy maneuvered to her knees next to him and kissed him gently on the forehead. From here, he noticed that despite lacking the green skin, the tattoo thing was still on her neck and head. “Tattoo won’t wash off?”
“Well, it’s permanent, so no.”
“That’s a real tattoo?”
“More or less.” She said, bobbing her head to either side.
“O… kay…?” Todd said and stood from his fall and looked around the apartment. He was still wearing his costume. “I should go take this off.” Hs said with only the smallest of glances at Cathy’s naked figure.
“Still waiting on that towel.” She said. A small pool of water was forming around her on the faux-hardwood.
“Shit. Towel. Yes.” Todd managed to make it to the closet. He handed her a towel and she disappeared into the bathroom.
Todd made his way into his bedroom and laboriously removed his Mandalorian armor and put it neatly in a pile. He grabbed the dirty clothes from his floor, tossed them into the hamper and then stood in the room in his boxers thinking how best to handle the next bit. He sniffed at his armpit and was suddenly aware of body odor he had from sweating to death in Mark’s apartment. He needed to shower. He could get clothes on, walk to the shower, and get undressed again. Or… Or he could strode confidently across the living room in his boxers and see if Cathy gave him a second notice. OR… third option, he could just bust out there, naked like she had done, and give her a taste of her own medicine.
Being awkward and unable to muster the courage to do options two or three, he put on shorts, a shirt, and his sandals and cautiously peered into the living room. Cathy sat on the couch, dressed in her tunic again. Her feet were propped on the small coffee table and she looked like she was comfortable.
“If it’s okay with you…” Todd started and she looked up from the couch and smiled. “I’m just going to take a quick shower.”
“Why?”
“I stink?” He said without thinking.
“I like your smell. You smell like you.” She smiled. “Come sit.” She patted the couch next to her.
“Are you sure?” Todd asked tentatively moving in her direction. Then he remembered back to the balcony upstair and how she’d… what? Smelled him? Was that a thing? Do people smell other people? “Okay.” This girl was weird. But a good weird. The kind of weird that... Well, he didn't know exactly. But he liked it. So, fuck it. He sat down.
Todd sat next to her and they started to the movie. As it played Cathy began to talk here and there, questioning Todd. Her questions were all about space, aliens, Dr. Who, more aliens, and so on. Todd didn’t mind the questions. In fact, they were better than the awkward time he had been expecting with a girl in his apartment and he was feeling comfortable in no time with Cathy. Even if he still sported a strange, semi-erection from all her earlier nudity. So what? It was nice. Things were going well. Nothing could ruin his night now, he knew it.
“So you really believe in aliens?” She asked.
“Yes. I have to.” He gestured towards his window. “The universe is too big for just humans.” He looked at her and her grinning, glowing smile. “Why are you so concerned about this?” He laughed.
“Excellent answer, Todd Marcum.” She said and stood from the couch.
Cathy dropped the tunic from her body and stood in front of him. He wasn’t sure where this was going, but maybe talk of extraterrestrials really got her going. He wasn’t going to complain, people have strange kinks. Who was he to judge? He took in her figure from top to bottom. He could feel his pulse quicken and the actions of Buckaroo Banzai were quickly forgotten as the blood rushed to his crotch. He started to rise off the couch. She held a hand out and motioned for him to remain seated.
“I need to show you something.” She said and she smirked when his eyebrows shot up. “Not like that.” She smiled.
Then, right in front of his eyes, Todd watched as Cathy’s entire body turned from the pink, fleshy color back into the green color he’d seen at the party. Her eyes went from pale blue back to bright, neon green, and the tattoo on her neck turned a vibrant shade of blue. Her hair didn’t change. It was the same, short white cut that it had been all night. For an instant, Todd found that strange. But then that instant ended and his brain sort of fizzled to a stop as he tried to make sense of what he'd just seen. All of the blood that had been rushing to his crotch left him unready for this turn of events and he turned a sickly shade of white and fainted, face-first onto his coffee table.
“Well, fuck.” Cathy said.
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