Being a Douchebag on the internet...

Today in Bad Advice with Dr. Bourbon our question comes from Douchebag Dave on Twitter.

Dave asks:

Dr. BourbonSex,
"What are you doing on my timeline, leftist fucktard?"

Love and kisses,
Douchebag Dave

Dear Dave... Or is it Douchebag Dave? Can I just call you Douchebag?  I think I am just going to call you Douchebag...  Dear Douchebag,

Dr. Bourbon and The Antivaxx Trail...

Today in Bad Advice with Dr. Bourbon our question comes from B.J. Black

B.J. asks:

Dr. Bourbon Sex... and Coffee:

How should I react when anti-vaxxers ask for advice to keep their kids safe when there is a measles (or other illness that vaccines can prevent) outbreak?

Dear B.J.,

What a good question. Let me tell you - I have no shortage of Anti-Vax people on my Facebook feed, so I've actually had this argument before. And every time it ends with the same thing - me, slamming my head against my desk at the outright stupidity of people who, up until 5 minutes ago, I thought were sane, mildly intelligent people. Okay no... that's not true.

That's me in the corner...

I'm in a bit of a funk these days. And not the normal, anxiety-induced, worrisome funk... but more of an "I'm feeling old, worthless, and in a shitty time loop" kinda funk. Being February, I feel it's very much Groundhogs day. Every day. I am Bill Murray, but without the option of dropping the toaster into my bathtub.

We've all seen Groundhogs Day, right? The guy wakes up and every day it's the same day over and over and over and over again... Same premise-ish as Happy Death Day and Russian Doll on Netflix. The difference is, these people have the same day over and over, but with no consequences of the actions they choose every day. Want to end a bad day by driving off a bridge with an angry groundhog? NO PROBLEM! Want to drop a toaster in your bathtub due to the extreme amount of stress and seeming worthlessness of life? See you in the morning!

I feel this movie has left me wanting.

Every day for me is like this. But without an out. The closest I have to a re-set is alcohol. I can at least drink myself into a deep sleep that, somewhat, gives me a fresh start the next day by wiping the mental slate clean.

It sucks. I'm sorry. There's no better way to put it. It. Sucks.

The Call Of Nature A @BourbonSex Erotic Short Story

The Call Of Nature

A @BourbonSex Erotic Short Story

    "It's called camping. Not hoteling." Josh said as he led Emily through the undergrowth in the woods. "Of course there are bugs. You don't hear me bitching about it."
     "You're not human." Emily said smugly. "Mosquitos, as far as I know, want nothing to do with you."

   "Yes, well. There is that." He moved a few branches and ushered her through. "Ta da." He announced with a smile.
     "Oh." Emily said with a start. "Oh, this is quite lovely."
     "Yeah. I thought you might say that."
     He moved ahead into the clearing. It was about 50 meters of open, grassy area surrounded by trees on all sides. A small, hollowed out ring of stones sat the in the center of it all with a large stack of neatly cut wood nearby.
     "This is where I go when I want to get away from everything." Josh said, dropping his bag on the ground. "Let's get set up and I'll show you what it means to 'be in the field'."
     "Uh, sure."

Mark and Emily A @BourbonSex Erotic Short Story

A @BourbonSex Erotic Short Story: Mark and Emily

     The night was finally here. It's something that he'd thought about often. It excited him. It made him anxious. It made him feel very sexy.
     He didn't go all out on his first time. A simple outfit of blouse and skirt with makeup and a pair of his wife's panties.
     The door opened and Mark stepped out into the light. His eyes, rimmed in dark eye-liner, shone in the soft light of the room. Gentle hints of rouge marked his cheeks and his lips were a soft, glossy mauve color. He worked his face into a smile. His hair was done up in a loose configuration of spikes, held out with gel, and his stubble was short and manicured against his chin. He was nervous, but took a deep breath and relaxed. The silk fabric of the shirt he wore felt good against his skin and the warm air circulating and lifting under the black skirt he wore felt good against his legs. His cock was gently stuffed into a pair of silk panties that hugged him everywhere.

     And he loved it.

Dr. Bourbon - How Stella Got Her Groove Back...

Today in Bad Advice with Dr. Bourbon our question comes from "Stella"

She asks:

Dear Doctor Bourbon,

How do I get my libido back? The meds I've been on for the last 10 years have ruined it completely.

Yours truly,
Stella

Rope Bondage - A Guest Post by BlueSubmission

Today is another first for me - rope bondage. I, until today, knew NOTHING about this. I've seen it. Never really given it much attention. But BlueSubmission (Twitter: @bluesubmission) has written up a very nice, informative piece - photos included - about it.

Blue's website is here: https://bluesubmission.wordpress.com/

And can be found on twitter here: https://twitter.com/bluesubmission

Rope Bondage

A Guest Post by BlueSubmission

Disclaimer: If you are thinking about trying rope bondage, do plenty of research, seek out the rope community where you live for workshops and advice, and always practice safely. Rope bondage is fun and sexy, but it can also be very dangerous.

....Even fatal.

A day in the life of a 24/7 D/s couple - A Guest Post by Nikki

Today's guest post is something I know literally NOTHING about - so I am very excited for it.

Our guest poster is Nikki (@loveisafetish on Twitter)

Nikki is a sub, a parent and an artist. She loves her family, music, sex and the color pink.

A day in the life of a 24/7 D/s couple

A Guest Post by Nikki 

It is five o'clock in the morning and I wake up gagged and restrained to the bed, ready to drag my heavy chains to the kitchen to start breakfast for my Dom, like any good sub does.

Discovering Porn...

Fun story - I know a "coed" in THIS one
We went skinny-dipping in Switzerland in 1996

While growing up, my dad had a serious collection of Playboy magazines in the house. I have no doubt that my dad did not, in fact, read it for the articles.

He had a pretty nice collection of nude women stretching from the mid-80s through the mid to late 90s. And through my adolescence I ruined at least one or two of those magazines with my... uh... attention. We'll go with that. Yep. Attention.

Younger than that, however, I remember being at my friend's house and sneaking in and taking his dad's hidden copy or two of Hustler and reading the letters in it. Then running off to the bathroom to measure who had the biggest erection. Not together... one at a time with a ruler. Like civilized kids in rural America. These are my first memories of sex and nudity.

Then came the internet.

Jesus Christ...

Dr. Bourbon's Tips For Getting Laid...

Today in Bad Advice with Dr. Bourbon our question comes from Twitter User @yodelingsnake

He asks:

Dear Doctor Bourbon,

I struggle with interpreting cues on when it's appropriate to "make the move" on my wife, because I'm socially inept. I'm good at sex! But I don't always get the timing right... Do you have any advice?

Signed,
@YodelingSnake

Dear Mr. Snake,